Evermore
by Caerylin
Summary: Jasper/Bella A different look at everything we love about Twilight. Up to half of new moon one/shot please review


Evermore

Summary: Jasper/Bella A different look at everything we love about Twilight. Up to half of new moon

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. If I had made the movies, Jackson would have had a better hair cut

Authors Note: Flow of creative juices today. Totally 1:30 am and I should be in bed. Dont kill me for spelling or grammar, ill edit 100 times before im finished im sure. This was going to be the start of my current fic a soldier's heart, but I decided to go a different way. That being said I think It makes a perfectly good one shot.

Please review.

Prologue - Bella's Diary

They were all so captivating, so beautiful. I felt such a longing to be near them, any of them, all of them... him. I glanced up guiltily wondering... and met his harsh stare. The spiky one, Alice averted his attention, looking pointedly at the one that sat alone. My eyes fell on him... he was gorgeous, but... there was something about him that aggravated me, especially when he glanced at me and threw his food down. As if looking at me disgusted him.

Each morning I was eager to get to school, too eager. I told myself it was to confront the rude one. Annoyed at his behaviour in our science class but I felt the ache when I met his eyes... Jasper... It felt like being hit by lightening, being burnt alive, all at the same time. Painful, immensely so, but addictive, something so essential I would have likened it for breathing. He was tugged along by pixie... Alice. Somehow she always seemed to divert his attention when our eyes would meet. Jealousy surged in me and I quashed it. They were attached at the hip practically. Whatever they had I certainly wasn't going to rate an interest in either of their lives, let alone enough of an interest to cause a separation of the two.

He finally came back to school... Edward. I was ready to shout at him, ignore him, sulk really. But he was so charming, and breathtaking when he smiled I felt myself as aggressive as jello. Wonderful, I'm one of those girls. God, im like my mother, eager to please for a smile and slight show of affection.

Im surprised to realise we get along wonderfully, although I feel somewhat drunk when im around Edward. Not to mention when he took me to see his family, I felt like id been run over by the love truck if there is such a thing. It was strange though, standing in that house, surrounded by all these big scary vampires, supposedly anyway, it felt like home. I don't think id ever felt that before. Until Jasper and Alice came in. I was awkward when Alice practically threw herself at me, especially seems my eyes had been admiring her husband... He met my gaze, something he hadn't done since the day the van almost hit me. Alice tried to distract him, telling him he wouldn't hurt me, and vaguely it felt strange to hear her say that. Of course he wouldn't hurt me. His gaze never faltered and I was captured back into it, when she threw herself at me for a hug. Everyone was startled, and Jaspers shoes became interesting. My attention was drawn away by promise of a house tour and I surrendered to the tug on my arm. forgetting my momentary fascination as if it hadn't happened.

I saw nothing but Edward after that, until our incident with James and the others. Edward was fiercely protective, almost scarily so. I felt a little overwhelmed, glad that Alice suggested taking me away with her and Jasper. Watching them hold hands in the car made me ache... it made me angry although I was having trouble understanding why. My gaze fell on Jaspers in the rear view mirror, his eyes held confusion, as much as I imagined mine did. It was like having something on the tip of your tongue. Something that you know you know but cant put your finger on. Something about Jasper... Something about me... Alice broke our silent conversation, if you could call it that, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes as she suggested I get some sleep. I was about to protest. I wasn't tired, but I was hit full force with tiredness. My eyes flickered up to where Jaspers had been as I slowly passed out.

We stayed in the hotel room for hours. I felt like a caged dog. I paced, I worried,I snuck glances at Alice and Jasper trying to figure out what I felt was wrong with the picture infront of me. Alice seemed to always be watching me. Not so unusual I guess with me pacing a hole into the carpet. Everything after that happened in a blur, the vision, the ballet studio, I dont remember much apart from the pain after James bit me. That and the look on Jaspers face as he killed James. I remember thinking it strange that the quietest of them got the most joy from James' dismemberment.

I woke up human, and disappointed. I was happy to see Edward. Everything felt dull from the drugs, and nothing registered really except when he threatened to leave. My heart nearly exploded. I startled myself with the passionate denial of his suggestion.

Life went by much the same as it had before until my birthday. Alice was determined to throw me a party, her mood had been decidedly dark lately, and I felt she needed it to cheer her up. She'd been having more visions than usual, looking for Victoria or so I assumed. When I cut my finger the atmosphere changed, Alice looked frightened, Edward looked frantic and as he threw me back into the glass table, I wondered if he was really trying to keep me safe as he always told me. The blood poured down my arm and Jasper lunged for me. He looked Angry, so angry, but I wasn't scared of him. Everyone except Edward threw themselves on him and dragged him outside, His sadness reached me, and I wanted to comfort him, to tell him I didn't blame him, but I couldn't.

After that I didn't see him again. Or Alice, Or Esme. Only Edward telling me they were leaving. He didn't want me. I felt so numb, so scared and alone as he left me there. When I woke up back in my bed I felt as if I'd woken from a long sleep. As if I'd had a cloud lifted from my eyes. Although the pain that came with it was unbearable, I felt more like myself than I had in awhile... A broken version, but still, somehow...me.

I didn't realise that I'd been dazzled for months. Didn't know they were capable of it. I remembered mentioning it to Edward sometimes when I'd ask him to kiss me, telling him he'd dazzled me. I guess he'd laid it on too thickly then.

I wish I had've realised all of this then. Figured out what was going on, but I know that Alice took precautions to prevent me from taking an active role in my relationships. I don't blame her. I'm angry, but she was scared.

After they left each day became clearer. The pain did too, the loss... I mourned for my family I hadn't got a chance to be a proper part of.

Last night the picture became completely clear. Months after they'd left and I finally remembered everything, every moment from the day I met them. The most vivid dream I had ever had, and yet I imagine it was influenced slightly, if not completely by the shadow I saw in the corner of my room when my eyes finally crept open.

His face, so pale, so rugged, was etched with sadness. A sadness I knew so well. One of loss, of heartache. I opened my mouth to speak to him, but he put his head down and left in the blink of an eye. I wondered whether he expected me to believe he hadn't been there, but I knew, I knew the faint scent of sandalwood in the air was not my imagination, nor the cool breeze I felt against my bare arms as I sat up in bed.

And now, I wait for him to return to me, to say whatever he needs to say. I am not nervous, or scared, or even eager. Somehow the pain and confusion have left me and in their wake is only acceptance and peace for whatever is to come.


End file.
